Sunday, October 14, 2012

swimming ... with love

What is love?

A way to see, a way to be, a way to open our eyes, our hearts, our wounds, our mouths...

A way to be cured, a way to be destroyed (the ego)...

Sometimes I feel I'm swimming in a lake, completely alone...

I don't understand anything...

I swim, but I'm afraid, at the same time I feel enchanted...

What will happen next?

Where am I?

What am I?

Who am I?

The questions give me life, a meaning, a direction. But I don't know where to start, what to look for. I'm not even sure if I can imagine a possible answer to what I'm searching for.

I doubt my mind, perhaps there are things that don't fit there.

I doubt my heart, perhaps there are things that it desires that don't make any sense.

But all these doubting leaves me with no references...

I'm still in the water, still lost... On the cover a body, feeding on the planet, a grain of dust in the galactic bigger grain of dust, swirling in what we can't even see the end.

Is the world infinite?

The numbers are infinite, even between 0 and 1. Even between the smallest interval we can imagine.

But, is it relevant? Numbers could be infinite in a finite physical world. And we could always say that they are not really infinite, we could not ever, ever count an infinite number of numbers. Infinite is just a word, a way to say that we cannot establish a limit.

Is there really an infinite out there? Out is out there?

What is time, why do I feel, am I free...

I'm still swimming, lost, completely lost. Around me plants, animals, people and planets continue on their paths... I'm also somebody running about, doing my things...

But ...inside... how I wonder...

I wonder, and I wonder, and I wonder...

Will I have get there... will I ever know, who I am???

Or will I die, and every part of me will end, and the question mark will always remain unanswered?

?

One thing I know for sure! The Universe is astoundingly BEAUTIFUL, from singers and birds, to painters and galaxies, to dogs and cats and sea-waves and rocks and minerals, and blackholes and timetravel, to books and fiction and stories of love and war, destruction and rebirth, on an apparently infinite time and space for plenty of adventures with anemona, sea horses, plancton and whales... from the sun and all the stars, to the view from one of Jupiter's satellites, and all the giant storms it hides... the world is a beautiful place, on the whole. Just looking at a part might seem very ... different.

That beautifulness gives me hope...

Not a certainty, but hope...

From now on... when someone asks me my name, I may retort whatever is expected...

But I'll know, inside, that everything I know about myself, my true name, my real true name, is just a question mark: I am this:

?

swimming ... with love

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