Monday, September 1, 2008

in my inner depths: God and Lucifer

I feel so full of things I cannot integrate...

When I try to take every superfluous thing away, when I look for a core of certainty, a kind of Cartesian first certainty, all I found is, not so much the "I think therefore I am", which is a very complicated sentence involving difficult to understand concepts such as "existence" or "therefore" or even "think / want (the cogito)". I find something entirely different: that I was loved by my creator, that my life has a meaning, that I have a mission.

But, as soon as this certainty emerges, telling me who I am, another will, to break free, to ignore it, to destroy it, comes over me, and I am clashed by different wills of abiding and refusing. In me I can find the roots of good and evil, of God and Lucifer. 

What was first saw as an act of Love, of protection, becomes a prison, for which an incredible desire of escape emerges, and this desire is seen as sin.

The two wills clash, one aims for Encounter, Togetherness, the other for Freedom, Authenticity. The main theme of Burgess' A Clockwork Orange, (no free will without evil) I assume.

Only laughter reconciles them, only the immediate spirit and inspiration, unmeddled my the mind or emotions, without guilt orany conception of shame, only the most pure creative spirit, the most naked will, will be able to conciliate both, to find paradise.

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